Step 5: Write Character Sketches

Step 5 instructs us Snowflake practitioners to write a few paragraphs (up to a page) on the main characters, including their backstory, story goals, values and ambitions, etc.

I find this part so interesting, which should be no surprise as a psychology graduate. I am going to be spending a lot of time with these characters, so unlike the cardboard characters in Netflix’s Top Boy (it might just be the terrible actors playing them), I want them to be believable, multi-dimensional and fun to be around. I inevitably started to brainstorm what that would entail and ended up on a google-sponsored tangent instead.

4D People

I read that K-Pop culture has invented a slang term 4D, to refer to a person who is strange, eccentric or has a big personality. It’s supposed to be a compliment, not a derogatory comment. But for years I’ve had my own meaning for a 4D person, that’s not so positive. In fact, I do everything I can to keep these people at a firm distance in real life – even before that was in vogue – but as a reader, I do enjoy these characters.

4D people are those individuals perpetually drawn towards Drama, Disease, Divorce and Debt. They will be totally oblivious to the fact that they are a 4D person, so there’s no point in telling them or even blogging about it. They have probably blogged about it in the past themselves and not even realised who they were writing about (too meta?).

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Drama

Make no mistake. It is ALWAYS about them. Victim one minute, hero the next – but their challenges far outweigh anyone else’s. They have the unenviable ability to start a fight in an empty room. They use Machiavellian methods to stir shit up, but only if it would cause them to lose favour to be seen throwing the first punch. They are predictably unpredictable, and to keep your sanity it’s best to laugh and marvel at their endlessly inventive ways of starting shit.

The opposite is the character who won’t take the bait. They can chuckle to themselves and shake their head, or roll their eyes and sigh, because they hold a “live and let live” attitude and they are firm on their decision not to be drawn in to the person’s shitshow. Life is too short my friend, it will offer enough drama of its own, without you inviting/creating more. The second character may be a bit less entertaining on the page or the screen however, so God bless those drama queens.

Disease

Whether it’s karma from a previous life, a genetic predisposition or sheer bad luck – if we are lucky to live long enough, we’re going to end up with some illness or other. A cheery thought, I know – but there are actually people out there, who are rubbing their hands together and hoping for that very thing – like I hope for a lottery win. The NHS website describes Munchausen’s syndrome (Factitious Disorder) as a psychological disorder where someone pretends to be ill or deliberately produces symptoms of illness in themselves. They might actually be ill – but they bring it on themselves. Their aim is to assume the “sick role” so that people care for them and they are the centre of attention. I try and keep the posts to 1000 words, so I can’t even begin to go into the how fucked up that is….and Munchausen’s by proxy? Don’t even get me started.

The opposite is someone who does their best to guard their own mental-emotional health, to sleep right, eat right and exercise. When they are concerned about their health, they go and see the doctor (after a terrifying morning on WebMD, we’ve all done it) and don’t trouble everyone else with their ailments until they’ve actually been diagnosed. They take the doctor’s advice and complete their treatment, they don’t see-saw between doing so and throwing caution to the wind – “well, you only live once”. They don’t have to say, “I’m a fighter,” because they show it with their continued efforts to get and stay well. They do not run, screaming from the burning building, only to start another fire outside.

A vegan, teetotal marathon runner may not sound like someone you would want to be sat next to at a party – but given the choice between them and Sick Note? Let’s talk tofu recipes. On the page however, at a distance, those characteristics might well make it into the DNA of one of my characters.

Divorce

This is not necessarily marital divorce, but could be any strained relationship resulting in arguments, separation or lack of communication. People can have short-term falling outs, but these are generally over situational specific disputes, as opposed to ever-present personality conflicts.

It’s the difference between an argument caused by a momentary misinterpretation of someone’s intent, versus the long standing feud caused by them being so different in terms of their values, beliefs and behaviours, that people realise it’s better to keep their distance. They are not part of the same tribe.

Apparently there are lots of different types of toxic people, which again, make great fictional characters – but you wouldn’t want them as a room mate or partner. But we love to read about or watch them from the safety of our sofa, where they can’t penetrate our own like bubble of Hugge. We hope.

Debt

“Neither a lender nor borrower be.” – William Shakespeare

You will see these people win the jackpot on Friday, only to ask you if they can borrow a fiver the following Monday. They live beyond their means and any pay rises are accompanied by an increase in spending on excessively expensive possessions or ENC (pronounced, en-see, stands for emperor’s new clothes) experiences – you know the kind? You went, you thought it was shite, but you dare not say so to all of your friends who loved it, because you don’t want to seem uncultured or like a Neanderthal. Just smile for the selfie.

Money is a charged topic. Give a character an issue with handling their money (think, Snatch, Frankie Four Fingers) and you automatically have tension. It’s a car crash waiting to happen. Do I want someone like this as my accountant? No. But do I want to watch or read about a gambler getting further and further into debt to pay off his other debts…it would be a tense read, but it will keep me turning the pages.

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He Who Fights With Monsters…

“…might take care lest he thereby become a monster.” – Fredrich Nietzsche

Basically you start to become like the people you associate with and think about the most. Tim Ferriss says something similar, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So I shall be watching myself as I write about the dodgier of my characters – wary of any changes to my usual thinking or behaviour.

I am currently rereading James Clear’s Atomic Habits and he argues that a key component of changing your habits comes down to changing your identity. I’m nearly 40 years old, but I don’t believe my identity is fixed (as in stable, not repaired) – although it’s human nature for other people to want it to be.

I believe that change is possible. Improvement is possible. I hope that my characters change and grow throughout this novel – from this starting point I’m writing – and that some of those 4D characters are just 3D by the end.

#LONDONREALARMY

I may be asked to take this down, so read it quickly!!!

Some of my favourite ways to p…put off what I should be doing (making a committed effort not to use the “p” word) include:

Reading – but technically, you can’t be a writer if you’re not a reader, so that’s not a problem until it becomes excessive. Anyway, I use that age-old time-hack of listening to audiobooks while I’m commuting or training.

Films/TV – guilty, but I’ve limited this to the TV I watch with my wife, or my kids. I rarely watch TV on my own unless I’m also running on a treadmill, cycling using my turbo with Zwift.

Podcasts/Vlogs – and these may be my biggest time sink. There’s nothing better to ease the pain of hours on a treadmill or bike than listening to/watching Joe Rogan, Tim Ferris, Jocko Willink, Sam Harriss, Peter Attia, Russell Brand, Rich Roll, Floris Gierman, Tom Bilyeu and of course, London Real.

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I won’t tell you that I watch every episode – there are a lot of repeat guests on each show – but there are some episodes that I’ve watched more than once (Elon Musk getting stoned!?! WTF! James Wilks – Black Belt in Forest Plots…LMFAO!), so it balances out!

Why watch or listen to all of these podcasts? Because, I want to be educated not just entertained…although many of them tick both boxes. I won’t waste time going through my critiques of each, none of them are perfectly produced, none of them are perfect hosts, and none of them have 100% quality guests EVERY TIME. But their hit rate is good enough to keep me returning, to hear a variety of different ideas, theories, life hacks and perspectives on life and the world.

I love listening to the debates on diet with Rhonda Patrick, Peter Attia, Tim Noakes to name just a few – and the James Wilks Rogan interview where he is given the opportunity to respond to criticism of his fantastic documentary “The Game Changers” is EPIC!

The podcast episode was great, not because I enjoyed watching Wilks’s thinly veiled aggression, or the other guy squirm and retract his criticism, but because he was given the opportunity to say what he believed to be true and why. He backed up everything he said with evidence – there may be evidence to the contrary – but the fact that studies exist providing support for both sides means that it’s open for debate.

As much as I would love to believe that sugar is good for me and will do me no harm – the scientific evidence (and personal experience…skinny fat mean anything to ya?) points to the contrary. If Tate and Lyle release a study which goes counter to the wealth of other evidence out there, I will do my best to eye that research with scepticism. Promise.

Can you say, “Flat Earth?”

Now I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, and yet I’m grounded enough to make my own mind up. By “my own mind” I obviously mean what the latest peer-reviewed research that’s not tainted by industry sponsorship says.

So when some nutter tells me the Queen’s a lizard…I take it with a pinch of salt. Same thing with flat-Earthers, moon landings, virgins, be they miraculously pregnant or…well, let’s not even go there. Seriously? Each to their own – no disrespect – maybe it just hasn’t been explained clearly enough to me?

But…

…let’s just take a hypothetical situation.

Person A does something naughty, like stealing person B’s lunch.

Person C says, “Hey, Person B – did you see that? Person A just…”

Before Person C can finish, Person A does everything in his power to:

a) prevent Person C from telling Person B

b) prevent Person B from learning about it any other way.

Well what if we’re all Person B? I f***ing hope not! But what if we are?

I want to believe that “masks don’t work, so there’s no point in wearing them,” and not that “actually they do work to prevent you spreading stuff if you’re asymptomatic, but we haven’t got enough for the NHS so…”.

I want to believe that the people leading us know what they’re doing and that they’re not purely motivated by financial gain or myopic progress. Surely they wouldn’t jeopardise our health? We work (usually) and pay their salaries…we vote for them (or not).

I want to believe (I’d rather be Hank Moody than Fox Mulder though).

Suggestion

Once this whole Covid-19 business is behind us, the medical advisers and political decision makers are going to have a lot to answer for in some cases – worldwide. Some countries more than others, but wherever you look, there are faces and names accountable for those decisions. Just like James Wilks standing by his documentary.

Where are the scientists battling this out with David Icke, point by point. Where is his Joe Rogan episode to come back, point by point, forest plots and all? I think accountability is all that’s lacking here, and the powers that be should sort it out before I lose internet connection because of some lunatic, and I can’t watch any more “Too Hot To Handle”.

Verdict

Eamon Holmes – free-thinker? Definitely not one of the sheep. It’s open minds that get us to the moon or Mars, that discover DNA or the Higgs Boson, evolution or “the growth mindset”. But I suppose like school teachers, policeman, politicians and religious leaders, that free mind is something you should keep to yourself – if you want to keep working. Think what you want, but don’t tell anyone else…just like mast….MASTS, that’s what I was talking about…or getting to anyway!

David Icke – Nutter? Time will tell. If the science checks out, knock your one-from-each-pair-where-do-they-go? socks off . In the meantime, leave the f***ing masts alone!

I love the UK – because unlike China, we do have free speech…I think.

God bless you UK. God bless you Queen Liz.

Peace.